I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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