How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
