dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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