Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
