:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
