I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
