we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
what day is it and did you see me today?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
