I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
