girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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