so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
