If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
