but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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