What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
