My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
