i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
