i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
