i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
