So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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