My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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