Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
