return my video game
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
