I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize