omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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