sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
