dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
how drunk are you?
Several
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
