I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
