Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
