From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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