I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
