just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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