How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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