I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
