Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
