im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
how does that bad decision feel?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
