So drunk its hurt
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
