Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
