She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize