I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
