Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize