There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
operation harelip BJ is a go
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
