...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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