we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
