____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize