Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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