I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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