We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
