I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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