things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize