I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
FUCK WHALES
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