Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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