spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
