do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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