Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
