He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
