i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
farters have to be the big spoon...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize