Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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