McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Sober January is a disaster.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
