I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
