You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
