We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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