I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
