i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
