I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
