I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize