You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
