Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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