Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
