I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
