Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
