I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
