He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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