some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
