I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
