Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
