I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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