I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
