Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
