He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
