I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
