theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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