Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
