Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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