I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
