My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
