you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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