The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
