I can text with my tongue
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize