Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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