Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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