I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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