All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
