I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize