Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
no you cant smoke seaweed
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize