Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
