Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
