I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
