Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
