you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
3 2 1 whiskey
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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