i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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