Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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