Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize