Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I feel like death gave me a hand job
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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