id be glad to
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
