It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
