Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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