What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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